What an amazing work of god that you’re reading these words right now. There is so much I want to share with you in the coming months, but I figure the most important thing you need to know about me as we get started is: I’m rescued. Many times over.

It is said God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. That’s truer in my case than I can tell you. I didn’t expect to be a writer or a homesteader—I studied theater! (If you could sneak a peek at my shoe collection, you’d know I certainly didn’t intend to live on a farm with manure and cows, but God had a plan for that, too.)

Today, I’m grateful for the plot twists He throws my way. And here’s the biggest twist: in my early years, I never desired to know God. I was an atheist. But as Philippians 1:6 says, “I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

“The most challenging and impactful years of my life started with a simple question that humbled me: What if you’re wrong?”

God initiated my journey, and He sustains it. And I know now He is faithful to do the heavy lifting all the way to the end. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have a part to play in this adventure called life. The most challenging and impactful years of my life—coming to know my Father in Heaven—started with a simple question that humbled me: What if you’re wrong?

This is the question Tom (now my husband) posed when he discovered I didn’t believe in God. Not one part of me is left untouched on the other side of those four words. Yes, I was an atheist. So, not only did I not believe in God, I was convinced there couldn’t be a God. Even though Tom was anchored in his faith and confident in the truth, mine was not a simple conversion.

When Tom and I started dating in our early twenties, I was terribly lost. The Bible calls it rebellion, and although that’s not untrue, mistaken is the word I’d choose. After all, I didn’t mean to be wrong. Who does?

“Growing up in the California public school system, it was not only easy for me to miss God entirely, but I was also given plenty of reasons to believe humans wouldn’t need such an entity.”

Imagine growing up in a family that so completely believed in one school of thought that it would never have occurred to you that this school of thought could be incorrect. Generations of my family had rejected God—this was not new. It had always been that way. Growing up in the California public school system, it was not only easy for me to miss God entirely, but I was also given plenty of reasons to believe humans wouldn’t need such an entity. It all started with a Big Bang, we evolved from goo, and if you make enough money, there is no need to pray for anything. Trust the science.

My parents and grandparents had built their lives on the premise there was no God, my teachers confirmed that assumption, and my peers challenged none of these things—how was I to know we were all misled? Why would I even suspect?

Now imagine someone coming along, challenging everything you think you know for sure. They ask questions you’ve not thought of, push buttons that elicit insecurity, and make points that make you wonder—what if I’m wrong?

Obviously, you grow agitated, alarmed, and get defensive. What other reaction would you have? And that’s exactly what I did. For years. This is where the enemy lies in wait, folks. He convinces us of falsehoods and sends our ego in to fight to the death. In my case, pride came hard and fast. I was angry. I was frustrated and annoyed with my new husband. And I was undoubtedly caught off-guard. But there was more at play than just a bruised ego.

I didn’t have a plumb line that anchored me and kept me focused on the straight and narrow. Just like when a contractor builds a house, he must first find perfectly level ground. If he starts building on what he assumes is a firm foundation, he’ll be long into the process and out a lot of money when he discovers he’s built a crooked house. I quickly realized I had built my life on flawed human wisdom, but that was the least of my concerns.

Because I had built my life on shaky ground, there were no guiding principles or values to light my path. As I mentioned, I grew up in the theater. Rejection was my job, flirtation and seduction were my love languages. My value was assigned by whomever was in the position to choose me. Over the years, as you can imagine, those sorts of soul-deep injuries started to fester in my life. Tom found himself on the receiving end of a constant stream of anxiety attacks, bouts of depression, accusations, and issues. Poor guy.

With father figures who were absent or had drug issues and a string of abusive relationships to measure “love” against, trusting others was an uphill battle for me. Not just trust in Tom, but trust in everything. Not the least of which was a “perfect father” who had allowed me to wander through hell. If God was real, I wasn’t convinced I wanted to know any more about Him.

Needless to say, even with God on His side, Tom’s work of ministering to me required a tremendous amount of patience. There wasn’t a Bible verse to reference, or a quick church invite to throw out that would undo all that had been cemented into place in my life. There may have been a short list of people I trusted, but each and every name on that list believed along with me that a man in the clouds could not be real. Tom was sweet, and maybe there was hope for me beyond all my brokenness, but he was wrong about God. And I could tell it would be a problem in our relationship.

So, I did what anyone else would do when they’re certain they’re right about something. I set out to prove it. And herein lies the key, the thing that unlocked my salvation and brought a tremendous amount of hope to my husband, the man who was praying for my eternity:

I desired to know what was true more than I wanted to be right.

The irony is the only reason I set out to find the truth was because I thought I already knew it. But here is the pesky thing about truth: There is only one. Don’t let the world tell you otherwise. Absolute truth is just that—absolute. It’s not subjective or relative-—it doesn’t change. By the same measure, God is either real or He isn’t; His Word is either sound or not.

Tom knew if I was seeking answers to these questions about God, I’d arrive in the right place. And, like it or not, I was on my way toward that end.

By the grace of God, He saw fit to pluck me right out of all the mess that comes with a lifetime of rejecting His way, and He started to heal my broken heart even before I’d acknowledged His existence. And God began to reveal truth. Not because I deserved it, but because He desired to do it. God knew what Tom knew: what had happened to me was not who I was, and it would not define who I would become. 

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Wendy Cunningham is wife to Tom and homeschool mom to three amazing gifts from God. In addition to that calling, she is an entrepreneur and author. Her book What If You’re Wrong?, blog, and devotionals can be found at gainingmyperspective.com. She is also host of the podcast Gaining My Perspective. Wendy loves Jesus and inspiring people to step into their calling—whatever that might look like in this season. When she’s not working, writing, traveling, or podcasting, she can be found homesteading and chasing kids and cows on her farm in Middle Tennessee.